My donor, Bill huffaker

When I set out on the journey to find a life-saving kidney donor, the entire process felt a bit transactional. Don't get me wrong, there were a ton of emotions on my side, but I hadn't put a lot of thought into the donor's mentality. This all changed the over the course of a grueling 8-month donor match evaluation.  

Let's start this by introducing to you my friend and donor, Bill Huffaker. Bill and I have been friends for many years and would meet on occasion, but never got to know each other very well. In more recent years, we've spent more time together - he's now Uncle Bill to my kids. 

Bill's husband, Darin, is a friend of 39 years (ouch, D). When this dynamic couple heard that I was in need, they both immediately signed up for testing. We found out that Bill was a match before the Summer. This is when all Hell broke loose with my health. Bill hung in there as patiently as a man who is not fond of needles can. 

In recent months, Bill, Darin, Joy and I have had a lot more communication (both phone & live). I started to see inside the man that would offer such a tremendous gift to my family and me. What I saw was a complex individual with a very deep sense of what it is to be human. 

Today is the me society. This is the antithesis of Bill.

With a PhD in Organizational Psychology, Bill has the gift of real analysis. Not only does he mentally compartmentalize and address, but he is also a fervent researcher. Bill has really dug in on this topic; as he should. He addressed with his family, friends and work colleagues. As well, he connected with a kidney donor to be certain that he had covered all bases. What he heard from many people was surprising to him..."Why would you do that? Do you even know this guy? What about your health? I would never do that?". Let's just say that Bill learned a lot from his unintended experiment. 

The area of human kindness is where Bill exceeds. I eluded to his discomfort with medical procedures earlier. His internal altruistic drive (a.k.a. being human) tells him to cast the fear aside and move forward. This feat, alone, is an indicator of the strength of Bill's conviction. What I found, beyond this aversion to white coats, was something that haunts me in a beautiful way. 

Conversations have recently intensified, uncovering Bill's reasons for needing to do this. One thing is crystal clear, this is not at all about him being a hero or wanting attention. In fact, it's the exact opposite. In a very heartfelt discussion at lunch last week, Bill very clearly demonstrated his reasons. I must admit that I am getting emotional as I write this. 

In Bill's words: "You two need to take credit for this as well.  You have been fighting, maintaining hope, and keeping the faith.  You’ve raised awareness about the disease and donating and it caught my attention. You’re raising great kids and I noticed that.  I hear how you struggle, yet you get up every day to face the medical challenges. I see that you love you family and friends.  The world needs more people like you. 

I don’t know both of you super well (yet) but I immediately noticed all that and that was enough for me.  I hope we can live in a world again where people support one another and it isn’t such a heroic act to alleviate someone’s pain and suffering.  

Dave still has a lot of life to live and memories to build with his family and friends.  I’m grateful that he can be with his kids for much longer and be the wonderful father that he is." 

I have come a long way from thinking transactionally. It's important that we all learn from Bill's approach to this. Really think about the lives you can change. Don't focus on the procedure, focus on the family. We all have families we know that are in need. 

So, Bill is not a hero - to you. However, because he is saving my families' ability to lead a more normal life and extend mine, he's a hero to me. God bless you, Bill, for understanding what it is to be human.